Part Five; The Intensive with Starr
What you are about to read are the notes of a personal journey that lasted from three to five days as I faced my internal resistances and issues. Although I don’t tend to recall all the exact phrases Starr said, I wrote the essence of her messages down. What is in quotes is what I took down verbatim the best I could. I’m a good scribe. I take notes well enough that I can read them later to re-experience and get more out of personally transforming events whenever I desire. If what you are about to read is useful for you in any way, that is great. Otherwise, it only offers you a brief look through a window into a place that you may not have thought to go on your own.
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Thursday Begins…
I arrived at the Dome ready for my intensive. If not now, when? was my thought. Starr sent me into the Sanctuary to wait for her and I settled down on the front pew. The big room was bright and cheerful, the rose-violet carpet soft to my sock feet (no shoes allowed here). Starr moved into the room, walking quickly. As a Capricorn, she would typically do everything quickly, I thought. She handed me a pad and a pen and sat down facing me. We were to stay in this position most of the time on this first day.
She focused her eyes intently on me. Evidently she already had something planned to say. The first statement she made was “your resistance is ruining your body.” The level of my resistance held by others may not ruin other peoples’ bodies but I am so powerful that I can destroy my own organs if I focus on that (actually I knew that already). A lot of Soul Learning comes with the mutilation and dissipation of organs, she said. Be grateful that you are not yet crippled and that you are learning and breathing. If you continue your resistance and refuse to be grateful for your life and everything in it, you will continue to reduce your capacity to function and could end up bedridden. So be grateful for those pains. They remind you that you’ve got your work to do. “Gratitude,” Starr continued, “is your core issue.” She told me I was angry at myself for all my bad choices and moved that rage and anger at God/Universe instead. This was a way for me to avoid taking responsibility for my life.
When you are grateful for anything that presents itself, Starr added, such as pain, joy, suffering, etc., then that lesson is done and you can move on to whatever the next step of your process is. That next step may be the healing you desire or another level of awareness. It could also be the next issue you’ve lined up. Gratitude enables you to become clear enough so that you can then fulfill your needs and wants on a Soul Level. Gratitude cannot be shallow, however. To activate gratitude, you must involve/engage at least four chakras in any combination.
Then Starr wanted to focus on the issue she had pointed out in our seminal discussion – my daily schedule. Appalled at the few hours of channeling that I do, she wanted to find out what my day typically was filled up with. So we put in sleep (8 hours), meditation (1 hour), food and eating (2 hours), and hygiene/health related actions (2 hours). (I realized that she was being generous with the time assignations, although I sometimes had to be in bed for 9 or 10 hours to get a good solid 7 hours of sleep. As I thought this, I realized that I had been sleeping better and better and probably was getting all the sleep I needed in those 8 hours! Progress! Sometimes it takes reminding for me to see my positive progresses. Limitations and remaining negative states are so much more easily remembered. I silently reminded myself to shift this type of limited thinking.)
Starr allowed me 1 hour for email (here’s where it probably is way too short) and 1 hour writing. One hour was allotted for taking walks and doing exercise and another hour for intimacy with Daniel. Then there were errands (another hour) and maintenance of various kinds (1 hour). Two hours for myself to do whatever I wanted to do and 3 hours working for Source (i.e. channeling, helping others connect with their God-Self through articles, classes, or counseling). If I take a workshop, she said that 3 hours of it would “qualify” in her appraisal as 1 hour for Source. Everything added up to 24 hours. Starr was quiet and waited as I took this all in and felt within myself. Something said that this was true for me, but it had all happened so quickly that I was concerned that I had missed something. I said something like “yes, but…” and Starr said “No yes-but, yeah, hmmm, yup, uhuh, huh, etc. allowed as your response in this intensive.” According to Starr any responses other than a strong “yes” or “I agree” reveal hidden resistances and show that I have a loophole and don’t believe what I’m agreeing to. If I have an objection, I must come out with it directly. That way, resistances are conscious and can therefore be addressed. Any negotiations and learning available can be done.
I mentioned that I was tired a lot and so Starr asked me pointblank; “Who are you resisting?” Your mother? “Bingo!” I said. Starr’s eyes became piercing. “So you’re still resisting your mother who wanted you to serve her and therefore spend your energy resisting Source, thinking that by serving Source you’ll be depleted by Source like you were by your mother? Get the difference!”
Even though this all made sense on many levels, and I clearly agreed, I knew that the word service was a hot button for me. If I mentally separated my mother from Source in this case, I noticed that I still couldn’t get motivated to channel more or give to Source more. Starr noticed this and said “When you are awakened and alive with your channeling, you’ll want even more. And the more you give to Source, the more you will heal and all your life will be restored to you.” Yes, at least I wanted to be motivated!
You see, she continued, you are a budding Master of your reality. Initially, to gain realization and mastery, you must discipline yourself. Every student must go through the rituals and the study, building patience and perseverance. Then there comes a point where you can step into your Mastery and you no longer need discipline. Everything comes with your living, breathing, knowing, perceiving. The line between being in your crap and your Master Self is a thin one. When you are not in your Mastery, you are in your crap, your shit, your issues, etc. It’s either one or the other. I am on the line, she said, unwilling to let go of my crap, although I am totally capable of stepping into my Mastery anytime. I have done the work, the background. “Let it go,” she encouraged.
I replied that I am often not clear about my crap or where I am relative to my enlightenment/mastery. She smiled. “Confusion is the step below an issue’s illumination. Two belief systems are fighting for control.” No matter which wins, she emphasized, the old crappy one or the higher level one, enlightenment or awareness occurs. I thought “or at least the opportunity for awareness occurs.”
She continued, “you have erroneous judgments of your energy and power. If you will be fed by Source, you’ll have plenty of energy. You could channel for a month! Source is calling you to do Service and you’re still resisting your mother.” I mentioned how Daniel gained energy when he gave up shame, and she concurred. I have shame with mom too, she said. Of course, I thought. Did Starr “see” that psychically or was it simply logic? I know that everyone gets shamed by their parents and carries it until they deliberately heal it. And then there was the episode at age 13 where I took on the belief that my body was sinful (the Lord was going to punish me in hell and remove my Soul, said my mother) and therefore I shut it down. More shame. Starr was right on, but I suppose any good counselor would see shame in the picture.
Starr suggested to me that I still haven’t forgiven my mother for taking all my time, so I still live for my time all day. I’m a princess who thinks every hour is worth a million dollars - it’s so terribly precious. But then what do I do with it? Email? Piss it away? With that thought, we broke for lunch, which was basically raiding the Church refrigerators. With so much food in there, it didn’t take long to find and prepare something. I thought about my time and my personal needs, but no clarity came.
When we resumed, Starr started “running grids” on me. She gets this slightly glassy look for a moment and then I start feeling some energy moving through me. Once the grid is started, Starr resumes her usual look, movement, and continues talking as if nothing is going on. She then told me that I’m just the bottom tip of a spiritual “iceberg.” There are 12 bodies above my head. Three on top of my head are in a pyramidal shape. Four bodies are on top of them in a middle layer, and then there are four more on top of them. Interesting esoteric tidbit, I thought.
Then she returned to the more mundane focus and gave me some good pithy sayings, such as “if you have reasons and excuses, you don’t have miracles.” If you keep saying ’I’m tired, angry’ etc., nothing magical will happen. You want to step into your mastery and have a Master Ego, not the Princess (and-the-pea) Ego. When God/Source/Love becomes more important than you, you’ll get what you need and want. Be a good guest in God’s House (i.e. here in the life gifted me on the physical plane).
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Service
The big issue with me was with Service. I balked at the term and realized that I must redefine it. Service to me had meant doing whatever other people want me to do and which requires submission and sacrifice of self. Service was part of old-fashioned metaphysics, where people have no sense of self and are “just doing God’s Will,” as if they knew exactly what that was. Also, I had felt that service was servile and enhanced a rather poor self image. Maybe that’s because all the new-agers I’d met who claimed they were just “being of service” had terrible self images and used the term to cover whatever they thought they wanted to do. They were often arrogant about how important their work was (but not them – they personally are “nothing”, yada yada). I would get the impression they wanted me to be impressed with their humility and their spiritual level of enlightenment. Or they were stuck into some other form of needing approval from everyone and therefore trying to please everyone. This of course is not possible. As Starr told me, out of any 10 people you meet, two will not like you at all, 2 will be adore you and 6 will be pretty neutral about you and not really care what goes on with you. When people try to please everyone, they will disappoint quite a few people because they will become overworked and unreliable. Exhausted from their “service,” they won’t be able to do what they say they wish to do for everyone. Or they will just be able to “hang on” from one little crisis to the next. And there was no way I wanted to live from crisis to crisis or be exhausted all the time. Been there, done that.
So how to be a Master and still be of Service, having plenty of love, light and energy? I know some people can do it, although I hadn’t really met anyone personally who was able to hold the Service commission well. Now here was Starr who was embodying the principle or at least adhering to it as her own modus operandi. Now there was a second thought about this I had. Starr admitted at one point that she was trained in the “Old School” way (the old-fashioned metaphysical way) with her teacher Esperanza (the curandera of Mexico) and others. Teachers were hard on their students. The Old School also includes the metaphysics of the Theosophists, Spiritualists, and Western positive thinkers of decades past. The more recent style of metaphysics came in with the 1980’s with the baby boomers like myself and the “create your own reality” stuff. This was my spiritual generation’s approach. Starr said that the New School (me and younger folks) had opened up far more possibilities, power and potentials – more capacity to be unlimited. So maybe her information is “tainted” with the Old School view of service? I will have to ponder this possible distinction.
Starr said she will willingly be waked up in the middle of the night and get up out of bed to answer a phone call from someone in emergency. That’s very Old School, I thought. As far as I was concerned, I followed Lazaris’ advice, creating a reality in my counseling/astrology practice years ago where the emergencies came either at convenient times or simply faded away. And new people were brought to me with less drama and effort. (But then again, my practice didn’t apply to people who knew nothing at all about metaphysics.) So I asked Starr why does she do that? Why not create the needy people calling at easier times? She appeared defensive and responded strongly that Spirit put in effort to get someone to her and that she was not going to quibble over when and where. I wasn’t ready to argue New-School Old-School thinking with her. Starr has a part of herself that has an ability to serve on demand, and it’s part of her Mission. I decided I’m not going to be a Starr clone in this regard, but at the same time I have to learn how to deal with Service somehow so that it’s not a burden on me. And especially so that I can serve with joy and love when called to. And then I can have my time and really use it to nourish and regenerate myself. She told me not to worry about my body. What’s done with it in service is not important. It’s the energy moving through it. Trust that my body is going to be in the exact shape it needs to be for who I am and what I do.
Starr continued “when you’re a Master, you’re responsible for every part of your reality. Your clients are not here by accident. They are not interruptions. The interruptions in your life are things like cleaning, and errands.” At this point, I began to feel cold and put on my sweater. Starr noticed this and said “getting cold is a sign of shutting down.” She also had noticed every little gesture I did and saw meaning there too. When I scratched this spot on my head, or I put my hand to my forehead, she saw that that as a closing of energy or a resistance showing up. I evaluated what she was pointing out and sensed she was true with this. I was an open book to her. She’s had a lot of practice doing this body-reading after all. She’s had thousands of clients in person over the past 2 – 3 years! Then Starr shocked me. “See Service as Play. Everything in your life is play.” That required a huge jump for me. What’s not play is, for example, washing the dishes, or doing something else mundane.
When dinnertime came, Starr and Art took us out to dinner at a very nice Central American restaurant in downtown Hot Springs. It had been one of Bill Clinton’s favorite restaurants at one time. The tilapia in sauce was divine, and so we all had to have some. I don’t know what exactly they did there to this fish because I don’t normally like tilapia. We found that we enjoyed each other immensely because there was no need to explain metaphysical concepts and we were all in agreement politically too. Like being with old friends once again.
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Emotional Day Two…
Day two of the intensive was focused on the emotional debris that she said needed to be lifted from me. We started of course with mom. I had trained myself to be out of the house and away from her to hide from her and her commands. If I were close by, she’d think up things for me to do. I learned indirectly from her that I couldn’t be in a body and have fun. Not that she didn’t have a good relationship with her body. She was always full of energy and never sick. Maybe she was naturally a “Type A” driving personality. I wasn’t. I was like my dad whose energy fluctuated around desire and creativity. But even though I avoided mom, I loved her. For her, I kept my Light dim. To do that, I had to undermine my own sense of Trust and rely on her. “Trust is a BIG feeder of Light,” says Starr. Without Trust, one will not or cannot commit to anything truly. Instead, one will create loopholes.
We began a list of what to switch. The old crap was one column and what to switch into was a second column. To switch; Princess-and-the-pea, lack of trust, mom and all the resistances I learned/created with her, entitlement (which was added later on the list, see info about it below), ingratitude/blame. Then Starr asked me a question. I don’t remember now what it was. My eyes went up (NLP says this is the common “visual” person’s response) to remember whatever and then my eyes came back to hers and I said “uh” and my answer. She said “do you know what you just did? You left your body and went to the astral plane to get your answer. You weren’t present.” Yep, again she was right. I realized also that this “trip” to the astral created distance between me and whomever I was speaking with, not a good way to stay powerful in the present moment. Starr emphasized that when you cross your legs or say “ah” you are not in your body and you are basically not present. I resolved to be more present. (Subsequently, I have noticed my eye and body movements more with great effect and find I can stay present more easily. Galexis obviously heard this part from Starr too and has given various client’s the same advice and information which has been helpful for them too.)
Then Starr called in her apprentice James to give me the “default choices” speech. He lectured me for about 5 minutes on how our internal “databases” get programmed. Organizing our database is done from the perspective of society, or as I call it, the “consensus reality.” Later on, Starr would have me give James a lecture on not speaking one’s truth. Of course, James and I both realized that both “lectures” were part of our issues. Clever, that Starr. While we were doing this, Starr took a break and left for a few minutes.
Later, we talked about healing. Starr is renowned for her cancer cures. Seems she can take a person with a tumor and in 3 hours have it emerge from them and drop off or out of them and be healed. People come from all over the world for this 3-hour personal healing experience. She learned the basic technique from her teacher, the Mexican Curandera, and amplified it with Light Language techniques to exponentially crank up the power of it. Cancer in the aura, she said, was usually the colors of massive resistance, i.e. vomit/bile green, bile yellow, gray-black or muddy brown, depending on the person and the type of resistance. Additionally, around cancer, one finds a psychic “hairnet” or resistance ball. Starr breaks the hairnets so that the thought forms creating the cancer can leave. Now if the person has chosen healing on all levels, this is permanent (Starr processes their levels when they are there). The cancer will never come back. But if the choice is not so deep and the person prefers to return to their old resistance and lifestyle patterns, the cancer can come back. It’s critically important to finish releasing emotionally unreleased shit/crap energy.
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Stop Thinking!
The more passive resistance you have, Starr told me, the less silence, calmness and peace you’ll experience. You are a powerful conduit for God/Source. If you take a moment to think, you’re “faking” it and not being authentic. So stop thinking! Answers to your inner queries come into your crown chakra from above and move down through all the chakras into the earth below. As the answers/concepts return upwards, the body asks “can I survive with this? (root chakra)” and “Can I co-create with this (sacral chakra)?” The info ends up in the solar plexus chakra and that’s where it can express itself in “knowing.” That’s where you feel and know the truth, the answer.
So don’t think. Use thought (also defined by others as “perception”). Thinking involves the future and the past. Thought involves only now. Thought comes from Higher Self “Density” or Lower Self “Density.” (Here’s where one has a choice which orientation to have to life.) There are 24 levels of thought. What’s happening in the present moment is what is most appropriate for you.
New Choices
- More time for Source (aim for 3 hours a day and then continue expanding that time)
- Stay in the Now
- Listen to the body (every time I turn a card – see below)
- Keep self open to flow (no crossed ankles or shut down movements) and stay present with body
- Write a new positive empowering story of self
- Speak my truth
- Take my power back from the environment, from the Princess Ego, be totally responsible for my reality
- Trust and let go of my resistance – float downstream with the current of support and Light
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Gifts Every Minute
I noticed while I was there at the Dome, that James played a lot of computer games. The one he liked in particular was colorful and fast paced. Starr admitted that she plays computer games late into the night too. Both she and James were night owls. I admitted that I can really get into FreeCell for a good stretch of time myself. “Then,” said Starr, “use it for Source. When you play a game, make it a prayer. Assign meaning to the movement of every card. For example, for each card you play, you remove someone’s suffering in the world, or you listen better to your body. Whatever you want. For every game won, there is one less battle fought in the world. This way, every time you play FreeCell or whatever game, it becomes a prayer. Every game won is whatever wish fulfilled for the world.”
She pointed out that this can be done with anything one does during the day, so that all one’s life is a prayer and a flow of Source. Talking about energy flow, she did more grids on me and at one point stated that now all my reality resistances to my success have been removed and transferred to traffic delays. I can’t eradicate the resistance, but can shift it to another venue.
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Visibility
Starr looked at me intensely. “You’re a spotlight, a beacon of Light and you act like you’re a flashlight. When you don’t show your Light, you’re ripping us all off, denying Light to the world and creating karma.” Starr thought that I could ripen into a nationally known channel with information on the level of the Seth material. I was awed. I thought Seth was pretty amazing. Although the Seth material came out decades ago and Seth’s channel Jane Roberts has died, the information I’d read in various Seth books is still profound and powerful. My mind tried to grasp that large of a self-image. She certainly knew how to poke at my image “front” of modesty to keep myself hid. So what do I hide behind? Not the child or adolescent self. It’s my little ego story – the sad tale of how powerless, insignificant, and ill I am. “92 percent of the time, Starr said, you can stop your story and the reality the story relates will stop too.” I saw that this was the ultimately powerful way to heal myself. If I am not re-creating my problems and inadequacies in my story all the time, what then will I be able to create? What new story about my life can I have? I thought of my friend Jan, who has rewritten her life story to always be a smart winner and how that has served her well for many years through many a crisis. She expects herself to come through shining and so she does, usually.
Starr suggested that when I channel for a new Galexis audience that I preface the channeling with a few remarks about myself. “Don’t minimize yourself,” she said, “show the audience who you are. Maximize your pre-channeling story.” Starr complained that so many channels, while explaining what they do, say “and then one day I began to channel so-and-so” as if it wasn’t a very big capability or surprise. This gives the audience the impression that the channeling just dropped in on the person and so therefore it wasn’t possible for them to experience anything like this themselves. It also diminishes the person of the channel, who may have done a lot of growing and learning and development before he or she began channeling. So I needed to tell the audience a story of my background – the therapist and astrologer days, my music and art careers, how I read about new age topics and attended channeled workshops, etc. etc. And to thank mom (and dad) for teaching me what I needed to learn, or fulfilling the script of my “play” that is this life so that I was prepared for what I was to do. I heard this, and while I appreciated that the channel (I) needed attention like Galexis did, I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend a lot of time talking about myself when people come to hear Galexis. Mentally, I decided it might be wiser for me to write up my pre-channeling days to distribute via the website or in a handout.
Starr commented that I had been very precise with language and had on occasion “nailed” some people and hurt them with my slung “arrows”. (A Scorpio thing?) The result was that I stopped doing that and turned off my responses entirely. I remembered how my responses would just get me into trouble as a child and I had to learn to keep my mouth shut. Of course, I imagine just about every person had to do that – nothing unique there. But what it meant was that in a session, I was unable or unwilling to speak the full truth. Then my light could not be seen. Starr knows what she’s talking about. She’s one of the most controversial people around because she never fails to say outrageous things. I do admire her courage to say exactly what she thinks, even if it should turn out to be wrong. Starr says that when the info is wrong, it also is useful. It triggers the clients to react and stand up for the truth, or it tricks rebellious clients into facing and doing what they really need to do! So, she emphasized, never worry that your information is not 100 percent accurate, because sometimes Spirit is giving you the incorrect information for a deliberate purpose. (This was a quirky idea I had to ponder. Definitely I would no longer be afraid to say what came to me if I adopted this policy. Maybe I was afraid of being outrageous like Starr. People tend to be divided between those who thinks she’s fantastic and those who think she’s off her rocker or evil. Was I willing to risk that black-white type of reaction to me and Galexis?)
I wondered if it was possible to be nice and still speak truth. No, she said. You can’t be “nice,” but you can be kind. (Nice, I gathered, was being obsequious or placating whereas kind was being genuinely caring or sensitive.) Starr laughed and said “don’t trust your clients. They will be in denial if you ask a question with any emotional charge. You’ll find denial, resistance and repressed memories with most everyone. I wanted to say that my Galexis clients aren’t generally like that, but since I don’t remember any examples from my channeled sessions, I had nothing yet to say.
Then we turned to other topics – gratitude showing up again. Be thankful all the time, she said. Like an affirmation, thank you’s generate an expectation of healing as well as a release of healing energy. Eventually the healing will be more and more and then the time will come when I will be completely healed. I realized that I had ditched the goal of total healing and said so. Starr replied that people with aims/intentions/goals get all the good stuff and the rest of the people without goals get the “leftovers.” The rest of the people will put up with anything. This is resonant with the energy of “whatever.” According to Starr, “whatever” is a blessing of garbage! (Interesting point of view, yes?) She said to take that word out of my vocabulary along with “just,” which is a “minimalizer” or limiter.
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Balance
When confronted with any symptom, redirect the energy of it to an appropriate balance. Every time you feel your low blood pressure (LBP), dedicate it to everyone with HBP. The part of you that reacts to your environment can be dedicated with each reaction to something useful, say like education. (I realized a couple of years ago that my sensitive reaction to smells was me being the “canary in the mine,” or being the watchdog for humanity. “See?” I would say, “this is a bad and dangerous toxic substance that you should not use.” I was less reactive when I gave up this commission!) An example of rebalancing would be utilizing the energy of the “whiner” self to getting the local roads fixed or some other project to benefit humanity. Starr emphasized that bodies truly willing to be here on the earth plane are usually not sensitive to the environment, even the man-made things.
To detox and help the immune system clean the chakras and participate in the balancing of the subtle bodies, take a salt bath. Limiting thought forms crawl out of your body during the bath. In the bath, expand your aura (by visualizations) and then draw light and energy back into you. Then healing happens. Starr emphasized that the lymph system pays the largest toll in terms of detoxing and assisting the immune system. So jumping on a rebounder or doing lots of walking is very good. I have realized on this trip that I feel the best when I am the most active, taking walks in the woods and going up and down inclines. I also realized that I had no access to a tub while on the road, even if I could stand taking a bath (never a comfortable or pleasant option for me). RV’s have little tiny showers and the campground only have showers. Baths will have to wait until I return to our condo in Florida.
I pointed out how my energy doesn’t flow well but gets stuck in my legs and feet. She agreed and said that all my squirmy energy places, such as my ankles, are shunts where used, negative, or inappropriate energies are released out. The more I am present, here, and being real, the easier it will be for me to heal. Starr pointed out that I am a “princess” because I feel the pea in the mattress. I’m sensitive because I’m not using my spiritual energy. “You are only using 51% of your powers at this time.”
Thinking of powers, Starr has many of them, but she is physically not strong. She is so weak in fact that it is nearly impossible for her to twist open a bottle cap. Starr has an interesting past, which she shared to make a point about power/strength/energy. By suffered malnutrition as a teenager, she lost her muscle strength and her bone mass/density when it should have been at its peak. When she found her Teacher (the curandera she trained with), the teacher said she could have her physical strength or energetic force. Starr chose force. She can look at you and not even touch you and you can fall over from the impact. She has been keeping herself healthy through magic and only recently, in her mid-60’s is she beginning to lose her teeth (which dentists and doctors had anticipated happening in her 20’s.) As I was mulling over her story, it seemed to me unnecessary to sacrifice one for the other. Starr must’ve been reading my mind because she immediately said “you can have both strength and force because you are of a later and more powerful spiritual generation, the New School.” Choices like this were typical of the Old School way.
Starr went further as she looked at me. “You have a ‘hole’ in the body (the “clay”) where Source energy coming down and Earth energy coming up do not meet. This creates a conduit for allergies, reactions, uncomfortability in the body. Every time you verbalize ‘I can’t stand this smell’ you increase the hole.” So she suggested that instead of saying or thinking myself into powerlessness with my environment, think or say “up until now, sitting in a breeze made my neck hurt (or whatever).” Don’t give power over to it at this time. See it as part of the past. Disempower all the stuff the princess part of the Self has put in to manipulate her reality to be convenient for her.
Meanwhile, during my Intensive, Daniel went to the Coleman crystal mines with Art. Art bought an enormous crystal cluster in matrix that weighed well over 1500 pounds – a birthday present to himself. A forklift put it in Art’s station wagon which drove slowly and very low to the ground all the way back to the Dome. Then Art, James and Daniel (the three guys amongst all the women there) strategized and played with ways to move the crystal out of the back of the wagon onto a dolly. When they finally moved it onto the dolly, the dolly broke. So at break, I went outside to find the crystal sitting there, gorgeous and sparkling just outside the door of the Dome. No one could figure out how to move it. I watched the three guys try to figure out a strategy but there was no way they could move it with what they had on hand. It rained and the crystal sparkled even more.
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Rage Release
After dinner on Friday, we reconvened in the sanctuary. I was going to go late today to compensate for the break we would take for the Saturday party. Although I expected Starr to start another grid or process, she said “tonight you’re going to do a rage release” and left. Right away I knew that was going to be yelling and violent energy, because I heard her commandeer Art, Daniel and James for it too. Once everyone was rounded up, Art supervised the process as the four of us sat behind the altar in the sanctuary around a cloth-covered piece of poly-foam with straps. One at a time, we would take a bat and hit the foam while it was held in place by two others. I had done this type of release so often I certainly didn’t feel like I had anything more to give, but I put my all into it and got some good violent energy out of me. The guys were of course much louder and stronger, so their releases seemed so much more powerful. We took turns as each of us felt like it and everyone did two releases.
Then we looked at the psychological sources of our rage and frozen angers of the past. I had done so much rage processing that I felt nothing and had really forgotten the places of emotional charge and repression that once I remembered so well. So I pulled on my “usual” stuff. The guys all got into the very same issue; how their dads had wanted them to be more manly (in the manner of the dad of course!) and how much pain and anger they had about the rejection of their whole self, including any sensitivity or creativity. The performance pressure they endured and how hard they tried to avoid the pain of failure and shame was a common thread that I did not identify that strongly with. It was a guy thing. So after awhile I excused myself and went to see what Starr wanted me to do now.
She and Selena were talking in the foyer when I showed up. Immediately, Starr set a chair up for me and had me sit in it. She then sat in front of me and stretched out her right leg, plopping her foot on the chair and pushing it into my crotch. “We’re going to heal your second chakra now. Selena knows all about this too.” Starr nodded towards Selena who agreed, saying “this is what we do in our class.” I failed to get the name of which of the classes addressed the sexual and second chakra thing, although you could probably find it on Starr’s website. I told them how the guys were sharing about their performance pressure and their fathers. Starr was glad that they were doing such a good guy thing. In a little while, when the men appeared, Starr removed her foot and said “we will continue this tomorrow.” And that was that for the night.
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Entitlement
This concept is a biggie. I knew about it around 15 years ago and processing it (understanding it’s impact, patterns and uses) made a difference in my power then. Saturday was the day Starr had said that we would work on the psychological patterns and especially my mother stuff, so I was not surprised when Starr brought entitlement up. I could see that she expected some effort or difficulty because she prefaced this moment by saying that I would be very resistant over this and it might be very difficult going and was I ready for it? I said yes. Starr narrowed her eyes and focused on me. “Entitlement!” she said strongly, and waited. Oh, was that all it was, I wondered. I replied “does that still show up that strong in my energy field now? I‘ve worked on that for years!” She looked surprised that I already knew about it. But just in case, she talked about it anyway, watching me warily for signs of resistance.
Entitlement to Starr is feeling that you are entitled to have a beautiful life without having to work for it or put any effort into it. It is a belief that you deserve something you haven’t earned. Entitlement is one of the biggest distractions from gratitude (which as she kept emphasizing was my core issue). She continued, telling me that my body is a gift, not a liability (the way I’ve been treating it). The quality of Light and Life in the body is earned. I don’t have to give up anything for a great life. Everything will work with each other. I can be a channel and create art too, for example.
For me, Starr said, what I thought I deserved was trust and respect. One does earn stuff via suffering, most often not so useful. Consider that maybe my brownie points of entitlement brought me Galexis. Now consider that I have to earn from here. I found this idea that I could “earn” Galexis strange as I had usually figured that entitlement was just another strategy of the princess or the noble martyr sub-personalities that I had, and generally sabotaged my success. That it could have brought me something good was odd, as if I could manipulate God by whining in self-pity enough.
Starr gave me some more of her Old School thinking. She said “you’re not entitled to choose what you do during your day. This is not a life of rest for you. It’s a contract for a Mission.” I complained that I missed my creative flow and desired to do creative stuff of my own consciousness rather than always submitting my awareness to discarnate entities, no matter how kind and loving they are. What about my music, art, writing, etc.? Starr as always had an answer for that too. “One hundred percent of surrender to Galexis and God’s Way will bring in time the art and the people and the experiences you desire. What you want most, you will get when you surrender.”
While I was mulling over this, she emphasized that surrender was not servitude or being a doormat. Don’t be “nice.” You can be kind but never be “nice” (which is a false placating self-personality position.) You must be powerful to do your Work! Obviously “nice” is way too wishy-washy. Evidently I have a lot to learn about surrender and service.
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The Four Bodies
Starr wanted me to integrate my four bodies, the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual/psychic. So she called Selena, James, Daniel and Art to come in to the sanctuary for the next process. Zabe took notes. Selena represented my emotional body, James my mental body, Daniel my physical body and Art my spiritual body. They stood around me, facing me as I stood in the center. Upon a signal from Starr, all four began talking to me at once about their needs and demands. “I want to FEEEL!” said Selina. They got closer and closer and more insistent. Louder and louder they spoke until they were all virtually yelling at me. I resisted the urge to shrink, ignore, withdraw, cover my ears etc. At one point it was as if I heard them all and was calm in the midst of this amazing frenzy – a strange new but welcome state. Each part was extremely well acted and each participant had the creative and intuitive freedom to bring up any issue that occurred to them. I heard that they “got” my issues. Pretty interesting!
Now I had to communicate with each one of them and make an agreement to take care of them that was good enough for them. I agreed to use my spiritual body as my reference during the day. I agreed to feel any feeling that came to me, to be present with my emotions and to honor and respect the emotions. I agreed to coordinate and integrate my thinking, perceiving and knowing with all my other bodies. I agreed to be present with my physical body and give it more attention, respect and pleasure. As I made each agreement, the person representing that body would go quiet. Finally there was quiet. Ahhhhh. I was impressed with the tremendous acting ability everyone had – it was a great performance and evoked deep response on my part. This was a really great psychodrama technique.
Then we did the same process for Daniel and I played the part of his emotional body. Selena represented his physical body, and she really got into screaming for pleasure and sensuality. This seemed to distract the guys a bit because Selena is this slender goodlooking sexy blond woman crying for sex. Starr laughed over this “Okay, let up a little, Selena, the guys are getting too turned on!” After Daniel gave his agreements, we all had a good laugh over how convincingly Selena acted. There’s probably not a straight guy anywhere who would be able to resist her very realistic performance. Daniel and I both felt an integration within ourselves once the whole process was done.
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The Party
For Saturday afternoon, we broke for a while. We left the sanctuary and assumed that we would reconvene at the beach house, the site for Art’s birthday party. Art, Starr’s mate, kept saying he didn’t want a party, but it seemed to be a ritual that everyone “over”-celebrated his birthday every year. While Art was shaking his head over all the doings, I remembered that when Art and I set up the time for the Intensive, he said not to do it on Tuesday, as that was his birthday. So I know that he takes it for a very special occasion.
Daniel and I drove out to the Beach House Starr and Art had rented for the staff that was on one of the lakes just outside Hot Springs. The rain came and went the entire drive, as we wended our way through a part of the city that was entirely different in personality. Around the lakes we found a resort upper class suburban atmosphere, with all the shopping malls we were used to in Fort Lauderdale. Off the main road, we drove past well maintained country bungalows and cottages and a few of the old style farm houses, some of which had never been remodeled or painted. At the end of a side road we turned into a small driveway by a small frame house. We left our shoes at the door (Starr didn’t like shoes in the house) and checked on the goings-on. A lot of food had arrived and more was expected. Lots of mysterious packages sat on the counters in the kitchen and staff busied themselves in preparation.
Since we weren’t involved in the party plans, we walked down the hill to the lake, Lake Hamilton. It was relatively clean, although motorboats passed by and the smell of gasoline permeated the air. Waterfowl were on the opposite side of the lake ¾ mile away. We stayed there, enjoying the breeze and being entertained by the kids of the arriving partygoers who came and went, laughed and played tricks on each other and otherwise enjoyed themselves in the water. Art showed up and took a couple of the girls with him in the canoe. Going back up to the house, we helped a little here and there but mostly watched and chatted with guests. When Starr arrived, she took me into a bedroom to begin working some more. While this day (Saturday) was technically part of my intensive, we were going to take a break for the birthday party as few people could make an afternoon party on Art’s birthday Tuesday. Starr was going to make it up by going later this evening or I could choose to do some tomorrow after the church service. It was raining strongly by this time and we could hear that everyone in the house was discussing it and trying to create better weather for the party metaphysically.
Starr put me on the floor against the wall and sitting directly in front of me, stretched out her right leg straight towards me and put her foot right in my crotch. “This is a healing of your second chakra. Every woman that Selena and I have worked with has problems with this chakra. We’ll clear it now.” I could feel tension releasing from my pelvis. Starr added that she had released 17 years of accumulated emotional crap from me already. I was grateful for that. We didn’t talk for a while. When I got too uncomfortable, she moved me to the bed in the room and continued. I knew she was running grids on me. Bosco came in and lay on me, and I could feel his warm weight and energy commingling with my energy and relaxing me. The dog was a healer too. Starr, Bosco and I were quiet for a while and I drifted off.
Then Starr pulled her leg away from me and said, “okay, now. Here’s your chance to ask questions.” I was dumbfounded. I hadn’t prepared any and hadn’t even felt the need for questions up to this moment. While Starr and Bosco were working on me silently, Starr was available to talk about anything. Okay, I said, thinking furiously. Where are good potential places to live?
I saw Starr think a moment, scanning a North American map psychically. “Hot Springs is good for you. But then I want you here – I’m greedy,” Starr smiled. She went on to add Virginia Beach VA, North or South Carolina but not in Asheville itself, although there is a lot of native American good karma there for both of us – a lot of our “tribe” is there. Stay out of town a couple of hours away. Nova Scotia was a northern possibility, although the summers there would be too short for me probably – unless Daniel and I RV’d in spring and fallish times. California had some good areas, from Santa Barbara south, although northern CA she said wasn’t as good. Southern Oregon along the coast showed up and various places in OR and WA up into Canada were good too. Then she got grim. Avoid Sante Fe and Taos like the plague, she emphasized, as there are huge negative lessons there than can be easily avoided or transmuted if you don’t go there. Arizona will suck you dry.
Whew! Okay, I thought. Lazaris had said Santa Barbara south to me years and years earlier when I’d asked him. I then asked her other questions and got the same, if not more, detail on each one of them. I don’t often have a chance to ask a top psychic these types of questions (I can’t use Galexis well for myself). I asked about my Stellar heritage (my home planet is made with light and color in spectrum). I needed to explore color more and certain shapes and light forms, she delineated. Then I asked about how to deepen my own psychic abilities and help clients better. I got a lot of tips from the master practitioner on this question. My question about digestion brought up the supplement issue and she pointed out that at a high spirit level (like mine, she inferred), supplements don’t always work where they are supposed to, like they do for lower spirit level bodies. I had to admit that this was borne out in a Galexis reading for a client that piqued my interest. The client had asked about her supplements and which ones to take. Galexis had looked at how the supplements impacted her energy field as she held the bottle (this was done over the phone). What was amazing was that the traditional uses of many of the supplements were not demonstrated with her. As I was looking through Galexis’ eyes, I forgot the examples I saw. But the kind of thing was like this; Vitamin C, known for being good for the immune system and the blood would show up instead having a large effect on the brain and thyroid. This type of thing puzzled my ex-nutritionist self. Now I know. The most important thing to know about food is to check out the light in the food. Buy the “brightest” foods. I have done that since then and feel I am assimilating more into my system.
I asked other personal questions and Starr had interesting answers for them. Then she briefly channeled for me a spirit that had a message. She moved effortlessly from her regular state to the channeled one and back. A flow. Meanwhile, the party was getting started. So we broke our connection (she had some part of her body on mine the whole time) and joined in. A big spread was laid out on the porch, the weather cleared up, and the fun got going. Art got some very funny and risqué gifts and everyone laughed a lot. Art got roasted by several friends and the whole thing was delightfully entertaining. Daniel and I were included in the group seamlessly and felt “part of the family.”
After the party, we resumed our work. Starr emphasized that I should rent an innertube on a river and just float down on it. This will connect me to my star nature and I’ll reach new levels of inner understanding and clarity. My vision will heal if I look for essences of people. They may be revolting, surprising, disgusting or beautiful. The minor cataract haze I have is to see through to the essence. After some other tips on being the “spectroid” she sees me as being, she recommended information from her vast collection. She has been giving classes for years and years. Many she no longer does although they are very powerful sounding. Some are transcribed. Eventually I will get the transcribed 12-Chakra class. I got info on the 10 alien root races and other fascinating esoterica. She also recommended some books and to put clay on my face.
After a break in which we all left the beach house and I returned to the Dome, it was the last session in the sanctuary. This was an anointing, she said. She was going to put crosses on my chakras so no negative entities could come in and pull the last of the mother (emotional) stuff. An affirmation of energy correct for me was “together we go into my flow.” She discussed how to keep the body okay during long channeling sessions (I don’t do so well being inactive).
Then she called in members of the staff and even Daniel and demonstrated how to open other people up to channeling. The teacher sits in a chair facing the students. One at a time, each student comes up and sits down with his or her back to the teacher’s legs. The teacher then places each armpit of the student on a knee of the teacher so the lymph system is stimulated. The teacher puts her hand over the student’s head and invites spirit to come. Then with the hand on the head itself, she pushes the head over, opening up the crown chakra. The teacher’s hand remains on the head but not on the crown chakra itself. The teacher asks “are you there?” If spirit doesn’t come in right away, she squeezes the trapeziuses (shoulders) of the student. When spirit starts to enter, the teacher lifts the head of the student back up and both feet of the teacher rise on their toes. What a curious demonstration! A couple of the people who got the chance said they felt spirit more strongly than they usually do. Daniel was invited to participate. He got close but then it stopped before spirit could come through. Starr saw all of this totally accurately, and encouraged Daniel for another time.
I was tired but the Intensive was over and I could now rest. Tomorrow would be the service and a little more Starr “juice” for me.
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Sunday Service
A small crowd joined Daniel and me in the sanctuary for the service. Things went along naturally as in any service. Starr gave her sermon “Can You Feel Your Own Aura?” Yes, I realized that I can sense other peoples’ auras much more easily than I can mine. Songs were sung and the collection plates were passed. Starr stood up front holding the plates in her hands. She looked at me “Ginger!” she said loudly, “come up here and bless the money!” What?! I thought. I never bless money. I have always thought that blessing money was something people in scarcity did, in order to rid it of its “negativity.” In fact, I had judgments about the uselessness of this act. Now here I was expected to do this? Okay, I thought. This is something new. Don’t resist or judge. Just do something.
So I got up and stood by Starr who introduced me and handed me the plates. I asked for light and love and for the money to have good impact and for everyone to feel the greater abundance of the Universe financially yada yada etc. etc. It developed into a long-winded spiel and I went partially into trance so Galexis could help me out too. Finally, I was done – whew! Starr was smiling a quirky smile as she took back the plates. Later, I went to her and told her how I never blessed money and how this had broken down my resistance to that. Starr smiled that little smile again and said “all you ask is for the money go out and return in greater kind.” Yes, I had added that on top of all the other stuff I’d said and channeled. So I guess my blessing was one of the longest and most elaborate ones she’d ever heard.
After the service, several of us piled into our truck and drove nearby to one of the vortices in Hot Springs – Goat Rock. It was so named because it looked like the ideal rock for a mountain goat to stand proudly upon as it jutted out of the nearby mountain over the Gulpha Gorge Park. The weather was cheerful and sunny – no hint of the major rains we had had the previous day except for the humidity in the forest leaf litter. We climbed up at steep and not-so-steep angles to get to the rock and feel the energy. I was high anyway from all the Intensive so it was just a refinement on that. Daniel felt stuff and we all were happy standing there on the rock looking over the valley. After we came down, we took a detour and drove through Sleepy Valley where there had been a major spring with its bottling plant some decades back. Celebrities of the ‘50’s had drank the water from it and touted its healthful virtues, one of which was helping them relax and sleep. Fascinating tall wild plants filled the meadows and the gentle hills surrounding the narrow ribbon of a road following the stream through the center. The place felt calm and nurturing. Was it a good place to live? I wondered how cold it got in the winter here. I was attracted to this wild and interesting place so close to the city, the Dome and the crystals.
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The Flood
Monday morning Daniel and I went to the Coleman crystal mines. They claim they have the clearest crystals in Arkansas and I was amazed at the brilliance and luster – much like Herkimers. We took a tour of the wholesale compound and I went gaga, buying some of the most interesting pieces one could find anywhere. I was amazed at how, after awhile, I “heard” messages about certain crystals. These were the ones I had to get. I had to stop my lingering over the thousands of crystals as time was running out and we were due back soon at the Dome. The Dome again, you say? At Starr’s recommendation, I booked a Monday afternoon course one-on-one with Selena, Starr’s protégé, to learn Light Weaving. Selena and I went through Lightweaving and I felt a lot of energy shifts. Then she also explained the root races and answered other questions about the Starr material. While I did that, Daniel and Art went around doing some errands together. I smiled. Daniel doesn’t get the chance to do much male bonding, and with all the women in the Dome, neither does Art. They enjoyed each others’ company as they filled up plastic water containers with the rich mineral waters in downtown Hot Springs and Art tried to spend some of his birthday gift certificates.
The next few days were channeling days for me so I couldn’t go anywhere much or do anything far from the trailer. Daniel discovered that a water hose he had repaired once because it leaked (back in Doniphan, scene of our tire replacements) in the bay under the shower was swollen. It had an aneurysm we decided, as the water wasn’t going through the hose as much as between the inside and outside layer of the hose. It was swollen up badly and we were afraid it could burst any moment. So Daniel and I went between my channeling hours to a Lowe’s and got hose replacements, a system of “click-in-place” plastic plumbing just right for RV’s. However, in replacing the thing, Daniel didn’t push the new hose in far enough for the right “click” and so when we turned the water on, the hose fell apart from the attachment and water sprayed everywhere. The bay was soaked by the time we had turned off the water seconds later. Drat! Now we had to empty the bay of everything and blot the carpeted area with towel rags. Since the bay was a thin layer of carpet on top of plywood, we had to dry it quickly or the wood would swell and the place would mildew. So we installed a small fan (useful in Doniphan), leaving the bay door open. Since we turned off the electricity at night, the fan didn’t continue, so we kept it going the next day. We did laundry and errands and prepared ourselves for getting onto the road again. The laundry came out stinky again from the fabric softener residues and I sniffed a bit. We took walks in the neighboring under populated wooded and hilly neighborhoods. Attractive forested land was selling for $5000 an acre, oh so cheap compared to Florida. It smelled wonderful and herbal and the air was cooled by all the plants growing thickly. After dinner we walked until twilight fell into darkness, enjoying the magic of being alone with all the lightning bugs (fireflies) and hearing the crickets and frogs sing.
Tuesday night, Galexis was Starr’s guest on her internet radio program. Starr asked Galexis the questions that most people just discovering alternative spirituality would ask if they knew what to ask, such as why bad things happen to good people. Galexis gave some surprising and thought provoking answers. Ron, the host there, was proud of his radio station (www.outoftimeradio.com) and said that it was #2 in the country. Since Tuesday was Art’s birthday, after the program Starr and Art hustled out of there to start their evening of luxury at a local hotel. (Check out the link to the site and click on the Esoteric Radio link. Once there, you can see the list of programs and click on Starr’s “Wish Upon a Starr” program if you wish for the connection to her website and information.)
Later we went by the Dome for me to pick up something and found that Starr was leaving for a New Age Expo in Denver. So the last night there, while Starr was away, we took Art out to dinner at the same wonderful Central American café. We sat out in the patio out back under the large tall cliff rocks lining the street. A singer with a guitar played golden oldies. Across the street was a hotel where Art and Starr had celebrated his birthday in style with hot tub etc. The hotel had a colorful history that Art knew about and could relate. Al Capone and others frequented it in its heyday. There were other stories and some mysteries about this place.
The last morning before we left town, we dropped by the Dome to say goodbye and saw the huge crystal. It was now inside the Dome in the sanctuary, still on its pallet but supported more firmly. Fabric draped around it disguised the raw pallet wood. It sparkled in the light and was beautiful. Bosco meanwhile clung to me. He didn’t want to leave my side. Art commented “he knows you’re leaving so he’s getting everything he can before you go.” Saying farewell was hard as all the staff had been so wonderful to us and Starr and Art had insisted twice that we were “almost” staff already ourselves. We also got a chance to see another huge crystal, although not at large as the first one, which Art had bought from the Coleman mine and placed just inside the doors of the Dome in the corner. It was an awesome crystal, too. The energy of the place was humming!
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